Friday, August 27, 2004
12:39 a.m.
Those who know me well know that I do not have a good relationship with my mother. I can't always ignore her, I am human too.
When we got into an argument she took away my asthma medication to spite me. Medication that I need to breath in case I have an attack.I can't even really put to words how utterly ridiculous and childish of a person she is.
I do not have respect for that women. I know she gave birth to me but the fact is she did not raise me.We don't have a "bond." I don't have a real relationship with her even though that is sad its true. I can't even be in the same room with her for 5 minutes without fighting.
I don't want to be my mom. I've seen the life she lives and I don't want that for myself. I need to be responsible for my actions. I have to be mature and rely on myself because no one will be there to hold my hand. I thank god I had grandma who raised and loved me. Without her I would not know what its like to have a parent. I work hard in my studies to make her happy.
I know grandma wants me to have a secure life when she is gone. I have to work hard I just don't want to disappoint the most important person in my life.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
03:33 a.m.
I've pretty much seen all my close friends this week. I ran a shit load of errands and I still have much more to do.
Right now I feel really blah , I am not looking forward to any trip right now.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
11:42 p.m.
I haven't always worried about my grades. I did well in school but I never stood out until I gotten into a university.I was never much of a hard worker until I got older because I just didn't want to disappoint grandma.Using her as my inspiration I pushed myself to go to the library daily and study . I study so hard that I actually grew to enjoy going to the library.However,recently I feel that I stagger from what I use to be. I don't get straight A's anymore, I get B's.I gotten to the point in my life where B's seem like such a shitty grade. Maybe I'm pushing myself to much these days. I'm just afraid is disappoint grandma. I want to go to the best schools and I know how hard that is... It seems like no matter how hard I work it's not good enough.
Ahh I just need to let this go ... grandma says as long as I tried my best it is fine. But I think it is the fact that I didn't try my best that's bothering me. I just put too much on myself.
Let that be done with and rant about something else. It pisses me off that people think I'm stupid. It's foolish to judge on a first impression because they rarely hold . It's also pisses me off that people assume what you are in one context applies to
every context.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
10:12 a.m.
So our keynote speaker was the guitarist from linkin park..BRAD....he was so freaken funny! I'm glad we had him.
At first I didn't want to go to graduation but I'm really thankful that grandma pushed me .When I was waiting in line with my friends to enter the stadium I felt so overwhelm with a bitter sweet feeling. I felt proud I have pushed myself so far in life. I do feel slightly empty. I mean I had some great times at UCLA but I know I have my future ahead of me to think about and explore.
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