My thoughts

Saturday, July 5, 2008 07:34 p.m. DUde, I was so piss yesterday. SOmetimes I think I have way to much compassion for people and I know thats not how a lot of people are in the world. I know that people can be really selfish. WIth my roomates next year there are already problems. I think one girl is soo fucking childish and selfish. I won't let her have her way just because she wants it. I'm not her fucking mom to baby her.

Thursday, July 3, 2008 12:03 a.m.

People tell me a lot of things. So my roommates are having problems with each other and suddenly I’m the middle person who knows way to much for her own good. I foresee a cat fight coming on. But to be honest I am already siding with one of them just because I trust her more. I know how "she who will not me name" can be at times.

Everyone is on vacation! Julie left, ease and Louis left, Michelle is leaving, Jessica left.... DUDE I want to go on vacation too. This blows.

I watch Hancock and Wall-E yesterday . Wall-E was very good~

THings to do :
Check out which class I need to take before the 7th
Get over the whole financial aid thing
Call Kenny to ask for reviews
Get hold of Tina about pictures
Call Michelle for Disney on the 19th

Sunday, June 29, 2008 09:07 p.m.

I went to Mimi's wedding today . It was interesting I would say...

Saturday, June 28, 2008 06:56 a.m.

I need to find a way to channel the restless feelings.

My mom had always treated my brother and me with obvious disproportional levels of affection. I was the child she chose to neglect often while Dennis was the one that was smothered in her love. I have learn early on in life that my mother just didn't like me as much and I accepted it.

Even though I think not so highly of her we tolerated each others presences at times. But our relationship is a thin line to almost something volatile.

Dennis had traffic school at 6 a.m. and I said I drop him off . When I mention he didn't have a check he proceeded to blame me on why I didn't write him one. Honestly, its your responsibility not mines I am already doing him a favor. Me being the type not to take lip from people brush him off and went back to sleep.

But sleep didn't befall upon me for long because Mom as always with her so called blinded love for Dennis proceeds in my room and shouts that I am an evil bitch. YEs I kid you not on what she said. Well thats it I didn't take it and we got into a fight. I"ll blur the details out but bottom line grandma intervene while I held mom down on the floor.

I'm not proud of being aggressive with her.But I find it so messed up that she loves Dennis so much she doesn't see any reason expect that her son is right. I can hear her call Dennis telling him how much she loves him and that she fought with "her." I can remember when we where fighting me saying how much of a crappy mom she is. I can remember hearing grandma saying outside about her displace love.

I'm not angry at her for who she is, she has always been unreasonable. I'm disappointed that in all these years she still has matured very little.She is like the mom on talked shows that say if their kid killed someone she still say he was right.

My lesson is 1.) Don't see her face 2.) Don't fight 3.) If I do end up in a fight best to have really short hair.

Friday, June 27, 20080 1:00 a.m.

DAMAGE de de de de da... that song is stuck in my head right now.

Harbor house wasn't good today , not like it use to be or maybe I'm just not a fan of chicken omelet.

So far I been having mix feelings sometimes I feel pretty blah and sometimes I feel happy. I like having Tina around, I think we have the same vibe sometimes and its funny.

I haven't talked to Luan today except for a text. I wonder if she is feeling any better. CAll me !( of your reading this )

So the roommate searching thing is over which is pretty refreshing news. I was worried me ,Julie, and Michelle might have to pay the left overs . Good thing that didn't happen . OO yea and Lets see last Sunday I went to Disneyland with CLaire . Yes, I'm proud to have a Jewish friend. Just knowing about her culture is fascinating.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008 06:27 p.m.

School is over ...this is what I wanted right? A break . So no summer school I didn't get the class I petition for so now my focus is on LSAT.

I don't know why but I really like Australian Idol. Not a fan of American idol.

Friday, June 13, 2008 09:14 p.m.

I have anger issues, I absolutely HATE it when someone takes things of mines without asking.

grandma threw out my shoe hanger with the premise that it would smell my clothes and added on another lame excuses. I'm not five years old , I won't believe half that unsupported arguments of hers. One, even if that where true I don't give a shit. Two, its my room Ill do what I damn well please in it. I don't like how the family uses my room as some sort of living room. I don't want company I want my only privet space I have.

Thursday, June 12, 2008 04:42 p.m.

I still have a paper to write for tomorrow but I want to take a moment to reflect.

This past year I met some pretty great people at ucla. As I got to know June better I realize how much I like her. At first I didn't think we could be friends as we didn't have much in common but I was wrong. I enjoy her company a lot she makes me laugh and we gossip to each other a lot. Jessica hands down is the best roomate ever. She is kind and sweet and just a doll. We had some pretty deep conversations at times and I really feel like we have grown to be friends. And anisha, sometimes I think she takes on way to much for her own good but I come to admire her will and perseverance. Her welcoming nature and her compassion.

I'll miss my roommates a lot, they where great to live with and they made my days at ucla fuller.

ALSo Anisha gave me a purse from india! I like it a lot since its also red , my favorite color.

I had some good times and I had some exhausting times. I remember me and Julie cramming for that horrible anthro final and bumping into each other later that day , I was in a mentally unstable state laughing way too much.

I'll remember all the Jewish things Claire exposed me too and June trying to help me have a Jewish radar.I still can't tell Europeans apart..thats sad.

I'll remember the getho long ass car ride to china town and that one club night I got wasted with Gina and Jess. I'll remember the club I went to and dance as slutty as I could. Which wasn't really that slutty at all.And I won't forget Thursday nights, so many drunk loud people on the street and their conversations.

The moments where I procrastinated like hell. I'll remember not going to the Festival of the book and missing the chance to meet Ben Barnes =.=

It was a nice year that is very bitter sweet. I am ready to move on much at the same times I'll miss it.

Sunday, June 8, 2008 02:50 a.m.

The day went by like a blur. I was sleeping a lot. I witness some of my moms odd antics . She really needs to think about what she says sometimes, even though she is my mom and I know she is full of heart it becomes difficult to not mesh an outside appearance for whats within.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. My emotions are raw. It's not a good thing but its genuine.

This past day I have been thinking about a few things. I was thinking about Jessica's word choice when mentioning her ex. I was thinking about the information that June shared to me. I come to this conclusion that people live in a false world they create for themselves. Like you want to believe in something so badly you make it into a reality, ignoring the truth.

I find that my T.A. has an odd relationship with me. We are "almost" friends. He is a really cool guy and is there to help me out. We had a pretty casual conversation on why I was introverted.

Saturday, June 7, 2008 02:11 a.m.

So I had about 2 hours of sleep. I was so out of it I showed up to discussion an hour early . I was there at 8 a.m.! So I was writing my 15 page paper,this girl in class offered me a caffeine pill. It's like coffee she says,2 cups of strong black coffee in pill form.

I know about the pill, a lot of kids at school use them to stay awake. I gave it a try. Boy do you feel awake all right. I felt like I got a decent 8 hours of sleep rather than the actually 2. I was hyper, full of energy. But I eventually crashed and burn. I wouldn't take them again, for fear of addiction .Because its a cheap way out.Sure its 2 cups of coffee worth of caffeine, that is absorbed at once rather than hours as such with coffee coffee.

Friday, June 6, 2008 01:14 a.m.

When I was about 5 years old , one sumer I was at the baby sitters house. The lady had a pool and me , my brother, and her son would play in the pool all the time. I couldn't swim so I always stayed in the shallow end still and day I went to the deep end.

I remember being really scared because I was drowning. Good thing I was close enough to the side to kick my feet towards the wall to push my self up. I will always remember that day . The day I almost died.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008 04:36 p.m.

Here I am at YRL supposedly writing my paper.I have one sentence and its due Friday. Humm I just drawing a complete bank as of right now .

School ends next week and I couldn't be more happy. I really am over everything right now . I think I need this nice little break in order to rethink what I need to do in life.

Sunday, June 1, 2008 08:04 p.m.

I have to write a 15 pg paper base on a theory by a man name Skronewk who is a professor at yale.

My mind is blank.....

Tuesday, May 27, 2008 12:26 a.m.

I have an essay due soon and I haven't even really bother starting on it much less read what I need too. I don't know what to say , lazy isn't even the word, rather fucking lazy would be more appropriate.

Sunday, May 25, 2008 11:52 p.m.

hum...Well you know what? I am a retard because I have had too many odd men flirt with me I think everyone is flirting with me. This guy whom I was so sure was trying to ask me out turn out to be gay ! Now that was a huge shocker.

It's a lesson learn though, I won't be so full of myself.

Thursday, May 22, 2008 06:10 p.m.

I think living situations next year might be a little rough.

I don't know how harmonious it will be , i expect it to be shitty actually. But whatever , I shouldn't' let these things bother me .

Thursday, May 22, 2008 02:13 a.m.

I have come to the conclusion that the general population is full of idiots.

It's 2 am and I hear a bunch of dumbfucks outside talking a bunch of gibberish and hitting on one another. There are test coming up . This whole hill is full of college students from UCLA, I say 90% of them. I question people who live in shitty apartments next to ucla .

I hate drunks because they are just really fucking loud. I remember when I went backpacking the loud one where the drunks and Americans.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008 02:12 p.m.

Blah its effin hot. I realize I need to meet guys outside of school.

Gosh still sad I didn't see Ben Barnes..... blah with school. Happy that its ending it 3 weeks. Can't wait for summer!

BEn Barnes is CHarming!!!!!!!!!!! Not the typical hot I would think of but dark dreamy and tall ant a bad combo. BUt I do think William Moseley is rather cute , very pretty in my opionion

Wednesday, May 14, 2008 07:29 p.m.

I've grown older. I'm not the 15 year old I once was when I wrote on this blog all those years ago. I'm 20 now and life feels soo stress. I am at a point in my life where I wonder what is to await me. I wonder if the decisions that I make now will have a negative impact on my life. I feel that as you get older and join "adult " life its all about how your going to make enough money to live a comfortable life. I don't find myself thinking about what i am going to wear tomorrow of if my hair is nice or if I get to hang out with my friends and go see a movie. Now I think about how the test will be , how many recommendations do I need, is my experience enough to land me at a reasonable place.

I am getting older and hopefully more wise but at the same time I feel that I have almost a remorseful feeling about living the teen life. The life that was once so carefree and simple into something that is rather complex now.I don't want to grow up but I must and I need to learn to embrace it better.

Like Luan said, worrying will just age me faster.

Monday, May 12, 2008 07:27 p.m.

Tina's birthday is coming up. She would have been 14 this year. It's hard to believe that its been almost 5 years now that shes been gone. I miss my sister and still cry at times when I think of her. I don't want to cry but I can't help it.

I know one day I will join her wherever she may be .

Thursday, May 1, 2008 02:34 p.m.

I took my mid-terms, one I felt good the other blah

MAn I need to work harder. I wish I was as hard working at I was last fall. I'm lazy this year. Not studying as hard as I used too.

My goal is that the classes I'm taking get the A's I need motivation again because I know that everything is in my head. I will get those A's!

OMG All the public schools in Ca is facing a budget cut. So UCLA admission for the freshman class use to be around 12000 ish spot now its down to only 4500 for the freshman class of 2009 . Wow that sucks for students wanting to go to the university of California. THANK GOD i'm already at UCLA.

Saturday, April 26, 2008 03:41 p.m.

Hum Mid-terms on Tuesday and Wednesday . OO boy aren't I just looking forward to that!

I need to study a lot tonight and tomorrow. LOts of reading to do and catching up.

YEsterday was June's party. Ionnno I'm not really a fan of the house parties. Lots of people just drinking and stuff. I didn't know anyone so I felt alone. But I do apperciate Jessica's effort in trying to get me inolved. I really happy she was my roomate!

Monday, April 21, 2008 02:37 p.m.

OO god ! I went to sleep at 3 am watching nonstop which is soo stupid because my bed time is 10:30 PM not 3 AM!!

And to make matters worse had to wake up at fucking 6 am to make June pancakes for her birthday because Anisha wanted too. And Jessica wasn't even there, she got the excuse of being in traffic. Ahhh I feel so tired still. I don't want to sleep in the day I get even more tired. I'm ALWAYS fucking tired


The lady who took my blood test. Ionno what the fuck she did but she sucks. I have three bruises on my arm. WTF is that!!!!!!

Monday, April 21, 2008 02:07 a.m.

I know that Luan's mom will be ok.I am factoring that since she had a stroke and got to the hospital fast she will be okay.

These are the lessons in life. How life is so short so live it to the fullest. Work out, eat less meat, and do things that make you happy.

I'm sitting here thinking about a couple of things and the conversations I was having with grandma . And I realize something very clear. I am a career driven gal, and when someone doesn't fit in my life style I pretty much write them off.

Sunday, April 20, 2008 01:01 a.m.

So FF (that’s what I'll call him) came over to fix my spy ware infested computer.

I felt like it wasn't awkward but stupid the conversations we had. I still feel like he has some lingering feelings towards…... But at the same time I also feel like he didn't want to tell me he had a girl friend. He just asked if I knew he bump into luan and about causally saying he had a gf.

When I asked him if he talked to his ex he said no. That the best way to get over a girl is to block her out and I thought about the way he treated me. How one day boop he stop talking to me.

Sometimes I felt like I was too harsh on him at times. I knew of his feelings towards me but I just pretend like it was nothing or I act like I was so much better than him. What right did I have to nag at him? No right that’s what. And even the things he did that piss me off.... I think because I knew he liked me it gave me almost this ugly power inside. Since I knew he would do anything to make me happy.

And when he came over today I almost “ALMOST" felt a tinge of regret because he was the only boy I ever met that was super super super nice to me. But then I realize that can't be a substitute though. Feelings are something raw and can't be I guess pressured.

I don't think we would have ever been anything more than friends. I just couldn't bring myself to have feelings for him. Sometimes I thought about it trying to weigh it in my head that he wasn't such a bad guy actually but then I bet he is a right guy for someone else.

Still I don't even now think we can bee good friends because life doesn’t work like that. It’s hard for a guy and a girl to hang out consistently and not have one of them with feelings for the other.

I had resenment towards him because I ration out that wtf we are freinds , and freinds don't just stop being friends for no reason. He is still fucked up on that part but O well I finally laid it to rest. We aren't freinds anymore but I wish him luck with his gf. I think she will really be his leading light.

Friday, April 18, 2008 11:50 p.m.

SO I went to Bucca De Beppo for Luan's Brithday dinner and they seat us in the kitchen!. ITs already hella funny there is even a booth in the kitchen but apperntly its for reserved. I guess they where vancant when we came and gave us the seating. Well the food was whatever and I was getting hit on by one of the waiters. He made it very very obvious. Leaning on the chair talking to us was already a little ah-hhummm for me.

FUck , I got so much crap to read for that damn papaer and mid-terms to prepare for and that blood test tomorrow...

Friday, April 18, 2008 10:34 a.m.

Gahh my running nose is very annoying

I keep listening to Leona Lewis soo much hahhahaah

Saturday, April 12, 2008 02:32 p.m.

So grandma is like bitching at me for liking good looking guys. Well excuse me for being a normal healthy woman at the ripe age of 20. Who doesn't like someone attractive? It's almost like a natural instinct .You just like things that are pretty to the eye.I know all the blah blah shit about personality too but right off the bat its gonna be if I am even physically attracted .

And grandma is one to talk; I don't see grandpa as a bad looking fellow.

My roommates where” discussing” relationship problems and I think to me self…… okay…..I think they are looking for a prince charming to come and protect them and carry them off on a white horse to happily ever after. Shit that ant gonna fucking happen. I find that guys lack the chivalry/gentlemen aspect to carry that out.

So power to strong woman, don’t depend on a man to support you. That’s what grandma as literally beat into my head.

Friday, April 11, 2008 01:49 a.m.

AS much as I loved to watch hong gil dong all good things must come to an end. So I'm on the final episode and dude its just darn sad. I don't like sad dramas. That why I think I always rent comedies and deviate away from tear jerkers.

But hell I still think Kang Ji Hwan is a cutie pie.

So now I'm gonna watch Fated to love you . I should really be studying though. Its 2 am and I have a class soon.

Monday, April 7, 2008 10:57 p.m.

So I read like 2 pages hahahha. Not good , so tomorrow I'm probably gonna go to Powell and sit at one of those really secluded booths to study for a few hours.

I have a break down of what I need to do. I feel organized..maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that my movies aren't loading. Maybe I'll study more now.

Sunday, April 6, 2008 11:12 p.m.

My freaken internet at school is so slow Capital Scandal isn't loading!

I haven't been studying I have only been watching T.V. I can see my personality very clearly now.When I like something I like it so much to the point where it consumes me then poof I don't ever like it again. What kind of fucked up personality is that?????!?!?!?!

Sunday, April 6, 2008 01:58 a.m.

My favorite drama of all times hands down is Hong Gil Dong. Even with the crappy ending and odd openning with hip hop and rap dancing I love this drama. I thought it was very well written and mesmerizing at the same time . The actors where really great too!

Kang Ji Hwan is a very talented actor and I am just amazed by his performance. I will watch his other dramas too!

I change my layout since I needed something new . But I was too lazy to actually encode another so I just jack an old one. BUt a lot of the stuff is outdated....well I'll change that later

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